Words to Ponder

My Path from Loneliness and Insecurity

to Strength and Inner-Directedness

As I stated in my last entry, this continuing discussion on stress will attempt to present ways to reduce it, manage it, and if at all possible, even eliminate it.

As you can see, I have dropped in a picture of a small house-like structure isolated in the middle of a wooded environment. The photo struck me as a representation of what we might need to wend our way through our lives in a reasonably healthy manner. Solitude has lost its charm for many years. It just might help to maintain our integrity as a sound structure amidst the cacophony of our daily lives.

Solitude has been of great benefit to me. The top photo is a very accurate look into the “me” that was lost, lonely, and alone in the world. I had yet to find a clear and direct path to what I have come to learn is the intrinsic wholeness of my greater Self without giving undue attention to the banalities of ego-obsessive imperfection. I was about 30 in this photo. I am now hovering around 74, Yes, this has not been an easy path, and no, I would not trade in the difficulties for an easier, less fulfilling life.

It has become too easy to follow the words and behaviors of the many who for whatever reason have assumed a leader/follower paradigm. Social media does have its usefulness, but I feel that over-reliance on it takes us away from our own intelligence, our guidance from within.

We could use a part of ourselves to retreat within. We need to have an internal dialogue and be our own best company and follow what the philosopher Immanuel Kant said, “First learn to think for yourself”.

I am dividing my thoughts about stress in two parts. The first discusses how I have “risen from the ashes”. The second lists and briefly describes various contemplative/stress managing practices I have explored and/or engaged in.

The Way of This Wounded Healer

It has taken years for me to understand and accept this. It has not come easily. As a lonely, introspective adolescent in the 1960’s, I “fell prey” to the nefarious drugs that my generation began indulging in. Drug taking was the central focus, and I felt I was part of a group. Naïve and delusional, I thought that was better than being alone and lonely. I was only figuratively in such a group.

At times there were interventions in my life, an inner guidance that I had no awareness of. Just beyond my teen years I was kicked out of college for a lack of responsibility to understand what I needed to succeed there. I was miserable. I hid from the world.

A friend’s brother was practicing Zen meditation and something within me was compelled to ask questions. He gave me a book to read, The Three Pillars of Zen. I immersed myself in it.

I read other books about the contemplative life. Be Here Now was new on the scene and gaining traction. I slept on my floor and awakened before dawn to meditate.

I isolated myself socially and lived like a monk. I was not perfect in all this Eastern influenced behavior, and for long periods of time I returned to a more irresponsible, childish life. Even my dietary foundation had no sure footing. I was a heavy sugar and grainy muffin/granola vegetarian. Large bottles of soda along with whole bags of commercial brand potato chips, and watching television consuming boxes of cookies, these were regular forays. Periodically I would return to a simpler, inner life.

Several decades later, here I am. Many hours are regularly spent chanting, meditating, practicing Chi Kung and reading wise words from beautiful souls. I listen to sound therapy programs that stream into my laptop. In the 12-minute sessions of one such program, I have often experienced joy, bliss, delight, ecstasy and even deep life review sadness, eliciting streams of tears and smiles.

Knowing the pain of being human and being receptive to growing through these experiences, I am compelled to share myself. My mission is to contribute to the greater good.